But life is decidedly a charmed thing. Nothing is solid, nothing is one. Everything shifts and layers.  It is a mish mash of neat blocks of ambition scattered with messes of dreams and fears and failures. Because people are decidedly complex. We exist in shifting shapes. I am the calm exterior before 30 children. I am the crumbling mess that refuses to come out of bed, wanting to shut the world off.  I am the kind mother. I am the angry lover who would join a game of hurting each other. I am a pure soul who wants to do good. I am the jealous cheater who would in one swipe, live in destruction of everything I am trying to build. Grappling, grappling on the edges.