I wonder if its a battle for everyone. This daily debilitating struggle against self-doubt, fear, insecurity. The kind that stops you from working like you really can, and loving like you really are able to..and want to. Because being able to love, and be loved, is something you have to be secure enough to do - otherwise it becomes a mess, a rubble of defenses, jealousy, neediness. You become parched, and ugly.

But it is not a comparison, or a contest. Everyone has a different story, they fight their own battles, they make their own way.

But you want to be able to fulfill what you have dreamed of, deep inside, a seed planted when you were a child. That you are special; that you are beautifully made by an awesome God, that you are able to do great things. You have seen the edge of this limitlessness within you, when you were in youth. You want to be able to make this complete. You need to, because otherwise you will battle for the rest of your life - you will be bitter, you will be hindered from pure love.

You don't want to grow - jealousy, anger, self-righteousness, vanity, fear; ugliness.
You want to grow - purity, love, beauty - LOVE.
Then cultivate these.