honestly, i'm tired.
i'm tired of the rhetoric,
tired of the pseudo-intellectual discussions, the fake conversations, the pretense of things 'right' and 'fair' hiding in the surface of the facades we build. tired of the 'fight' for 'justice', the calling of others bluffs, the paranoia behind every statement, every act, every law. tired of name-calling and judging. tired of painting our own misdirected conceptions on others. tired of mind-readers, pseudo-intellectuals, those who speak things that sound good but have no ground in reality. tired of politicians. tired of fighters with no background, no ground, a lack of knowledge. tired of shouting louder than we can whisper.

tired of how for all this, my voice is just another shout adding to the noise.

To my children

dear                 ,

remember
you will not always get what you want,
but you will always have what you need

life will sometimes be hard,
but you are stronger than you know
you will keep going,
and you will get very far
with baby steps sometimes, just like how you started at the very beginning of your journey
these baby steps will continue, for the rest of your life
its okay. keep moving
the journey is long
but in every step you will find something along the way that will be useful
something that will make you stronger, something that will keep you going

child,
start early with the things you must do
time, people, things, ... dreams
these are the things you are responsible to keep, and to keep well.
the more you let it slip, the harder it is to get it back where you want it
start early
take care of your things
keep your time well
know that people are around you as companions in your journey
choose wisely
let them help you
and help them when you can
some will walk with you for a long time
some you must let go
some you will be apart from for a while, and then you will come back together in time
it is okay
we are all on our own journeys
different ones,
but in time, our paths cross for whatever its worth.

hold on to love
it is never wrong
but like the butterfly you tried to catch in your hand,
you must be gentle with it
handle it well.

young one,
you are precious
no matter who you meet in your journey
no matter how they look like or how they seem
you are one of a kind.
there is no one quite like you.
sometimes you will feel that you have nothing to offer
but you,
just you,
are enough.
you are the secret gold in the treasure chest
the purest pearl in the vastest seas
the heart of hearts
i would not trade you for the world.
i would trade the world to have you.
you are precious, my child.
there is no one like you.

my child,
remember that the same love that brought you here, my shining star,
is the same love that is the seed in the heart of all the people around you
deep, deep in our hearts, we are all one.
don't ever forget that.
when you smile, smile at the center of love that you know binds you
don't lose sight of that
don't forget
nothing makes you different from them
there is no hatred you can give them that you cannot share for a part of your own self
there is no love you can withhold that you cannot but have for yourself.
in love or in hate, you are one
you are brothers and sisters.

little precious one,
it is okay to care
it is okay to look at the man on the street
who is sick, or has nowhere to sleep, or needs something from you
it is okay to want to give him anything you can offer
it is okay to ask why and to ask how
it is okay to feel
it does not make you weird, it does not make you stupid
do not let go of that
no matter what.

my child,
you may make mistakes
but you can do no wrong by me
remember,
i love you, you can lean on me
and we can lean on each other.
i will always be here for you. i will always want to get to know you better, day by day,
as you discover more and more about your self
as you become, day by day and moment by moment
the man, the woman you were always meant to be. :)

there is so much more to say
remember
to keep a pure heart
see the world through the eyes of your child self, always
but always keep learning the secrets of the universe,
the strings behind the surface
that will offer you wisdom
see the love and positive qualities in the heart of all man,
but learn to recognize the lost - lost words, lost intentions, lost actions.
wonder at the rain, the trees, the butterfly
but watch your step.

remember
to laugh
always
it is the anti-ageing balm for your soul.

:)

love,
your mother

we often forget
we may go anywhere in the world
with our own two feet.

A time to hold on,

and a time to let go.

you must forget
they said,
but how to forget that first
touch
that whisper that came from the edges of the universe
to weave between our fingers
as we lay intertwined.

you must forget,
she said.
but how to forget
when what i have never known is now known
what i have never felt, is now
as deep as my senses, as close as my heart.

you must forget,
he said.
but how to forget when this has become
how i know my name
how to forget when
you have worked your way into all my dreams
so that none of them would be complete without you

how to forget when
i see your eyes in the children i will one day have
they will have your hair
they will have our love
our purity of heart
the one that brought us together,
the one we will consummate
the one we will build our home upon.


and...
how to forget the pain
when this is how i feel
what has 'become' me
and yet, you choose, to build brick walls
of un-feeling
so that you no longer feel the same way about me
so that you can no longer see that dream
that i am still living within.

secrets

#1 - laughter keeps us young. the key to not growing old is knowing how to laugh at ourselves

#2 - children know everything we need to know. they hold the secrets of the universe.

#3 - when in doubt, first shut up.

#4 - we want to own things, we want things to belong to us. we own nothing. whatever is, is.

#5 - to seek truth is the first phase of truth.

#6 - when something happens and we find ourselves exasperatedly saying - i don't UNDERSTAND! -  you're right, you probably don't. Dig deeper. there is much more to learn.

#7 - in the act of seeking truth, your mind, heart, and being expands.

#8 - bitterness feeds bitterness. harping on how we have been wronged or hurt is like rehearsing negativity. Let it go. The past, whatever we desire, whatever we failed, however we have been wronged - none of these matter. it is what it is.

#9 - to fail to practice gratefulness, contentment, for what we have is the most basic way we fail to define reality fairly, in proportion.

i had forgotten to write

i had forgotten
the shapes of the words that swirl
the swirls of the world that shapes
at the back of my head
as shadows of the things i see but do not believe in
in the material world.

i had forgotten this is how i breathe
i see
i live
i had forgotten i can feel nothing without this breath
no word, no sight, no sound
no desires,
no
dreams

and that is why,
i have been
merely an outline
a shadow
a cloud
a dark breath
wisping in the in betweens.