love must tear me apart

it seems that layer by layer it must take me apart

melt the hardened

sift off the dirt as it surfaces

shakes off

layer by layer

until i am no more

until i no longer exist

Statement of purpose

This is my express purpose here on earth:

1. To lessen the load of the burdened

2. To uplift the emptiness of the suffering

3. To fulfill the hungry and thirsty, to cover the naked and cold

4. To bring respect and dignity to those in shame

5. To share in the part of truth and light

#3

there are times when you want to trap him up, wrap him tight, never let go, of course.

hold him close, so close to your heart. you will never need anyone else. or perhaps..

desire makes you want to say everything you should say, nod the ays and nay the nays. trade in your flesh for seven pounds of Life... life-loved.

your eyelashes gentle on each others nothing weight, nothing weighs, you just lie, barely apart, barely touching, but in between the two of you... the cosmic dance. stars linger. in that space time suspends. life, suspends. life=loved.

you breathe deep and straighten your back - because the line between embracing the loved and choking a prisoner is so slight. you fight against your basest instincts,

and let go.

that is all the love you know.

Love, and love. the difference of white on white, just like the difference between life and death.

it pains you, of course, everytime you think about it

everytime you have to pack up your stuff and leave, that dull ache burns in your heart

you feel it physically

this gnawing ache

as you re-live that hug,

that gentle kiss.

today you did a sort of half dance, your feet on his

melting into each other

and you know even now that it will be your lifetime memory.

you wonder if this ache is worth it

they would tell you you are stupid to take it this far

but if only they look closely, really closely in your face, they'd see

because you have seen love,

you have seen a glimpse of the machinery that runs the universe

and that is worth it.

It is a dance, of course.

If you are new at it, sometimes you misstep. Sometimes you fumble. Sometimes your grasp is too hard, sometimes you don’t know where to put your hands. Sometimes you are completely lost, do I lead? Do I follow? Do I look stupid now?

Sometimes you fall out of rhythm, and you shuffle about, desperately trying to get back in pace. An apologetic look – you scrutinize her face to see if she hates you now.

***

Love, if you envelope yourself with it, expands.

Its not something you give away, not really. Its something you weave and wrap around you, and the objects of your affection get wrapped up in its warmth.

Parched, I’ve been there before. I still am sometimes. That is the thirsty drink when I reach the water brook, that is the selfishness that absorbs, takes to feel whole. It is the thorn you sharpen on your sides to pain those around you. Daggers of words.

This is the place for a broken heart. To break open the shell of your dark hollow, to break it apart. And when you reach the point of unbearable pain, you find you have stretched. You find your capacity to accept has grown, your capacity to embrace, to want nothing more.

This is the love that expands. Seek nothing, do nothing, think nothing, try nothing. Do not take, do not manipulate, do not set the frames. Just be. Love was the heart of the universe, whole and unchangeable, long before any of these. It was the raw material from which all that is good in the world was formed. Its riches have sustained us for infinity. It is eternal – we merely bend to its light, become self-less, transparent, or we stand in its way.

where does my faith lie?

The answer, of course, lies not in the things that divide us. This is what I have found in six, seventh months of searching, so far. If I think about what we differ in opinion, I end up with a dead knot, I end up spiraling in circles, unraveling. I reach the end of a fray. Not just for either one of the faiths, but for all of it, at once.

Having then to take a step further to look again at the bigger picture; if I want to grow I cannot focus on these knots. I cannot focus on the tiny details that trip us up. I need to expand my view, see beyond the minute layers. I find that much of it is a question of linguistics and understanding – indeed, it could be true that we in fact see the same things, but our words get in the way. Our concepts connected to the words, puts limitations on what we can understand. We understand the terms a different way, and thus we get confused, we confuse each other, we do not reach the heart of the issue. We argue and divide ourselves based on linguistics, missed understandings.

The question in the heart of our religions is: who is God?

Is he the man which has found light and kindness, love for all livingkind regardless.
Is he the man who spoke a message which seemed directly from the mouth of God?
Is he the Son, is he the messenger?

Is he that which gives us wealth and health?
Is he that which divides us?


An answer can be found in these questions, but any answer we find there cannot be the answer we seek or really need.

Our answer must lie somewhere outside and beyond it. The God we follow is one who calls us to love, to feed the poor, to clothe the weary, to love, help, touch the untouchables. The God we follow does not discriminate love according to tribes or peoples, he saw all with the same eyes, loved all, the adulterers the prostitutes the Samaritans – enlightened, pure light as he was, he saw them as equals, he empathized, loved. He taught that we should love all as one, equal.

We shame him by discriminating and judging others, putting ourselves into different boxes. We shame him by making our religion about anything else – about wealth or numbers or power.

GOD IS LOVE.
Anything else is idolatry.

This is the answer I will arrive at – whatever name you call it, God’s work is love for all in Unity. These are the children and the workers of light. These are the saved – saved by their actions as workers of light, sons of God, who live the heavenlies even while on earth.