It was about the time when reports began to be confirmed that the plane had been shot down, with 298 people and children inside, because of a conflict unrelated to the people on board, that i thought to myself 'I don't want to live in this world anymore'.

It is a world where people kill each other, where massacre and injustice happen because of what when scaled down to its simplest form is the evil within people - ego, pride, greed. It is a world where 298 people go on a commercial flight for a holiday or to come home, and are shot down because of  A MISTAKE. 298 people, a plane caught in a case of MISTAKEN IDENTITY. they were not part of a war. there was not even any reason or motive behind the shooter's actions. nothing they wanted to achieve. 298 people died for an arbitrary, meaningless incident.

It was about this time when I realised nothing matters. If nothing makes sense, nothing matters. The last remnants of my belief that 'things happen for a reason' is gone with the understanding that there is no reason in what happened, no reason that brought them there. and if i were to say there is a reason for things to happen in MY life, some pattern of stars that have been written for my future, then I am saying that those on the plane had to be on that plane to die for some reason. but i cannot say that. there is no reason.

nothing matters, then. nothing really means anything. all life is about is for me to struggle out my existence, for my own sake so that I MAY BE REDEEMED. so that when all is done, i am found on the right side of light and darkness. that i am found on the right side of eternity. All life is about this- about making my own life worth its existence, FOR MY OWN SAKE. no changing the world, no real impact. i need to act and work in a way that my living will redeem my self, and my loved ones with me.