the way in which i have been designed to grow
is layer by layer
solidifying, before the next layer is added, expanding
like trees, growing hard, tall, strong, infallible,
till a hundred years old.
continually growing inwards as such,
who can see it?
the solid strength of the deep insides of the trunk cannot be seen
the curious mysteries of the depth of the water
to the passer by,
it is just another tree,
just another calm surface of a nothing lake.

but cut me and see that i do not bleed the same
place me in the path of a deadly storm
shaken at first by the force of that darkness,
i will eventually look down at my feet, the roots
and realize that it is impossible to break

how many people can say that

*

the glittery shadows reflecting from the water
only threaten to make me invisible
they would take me and make me into something dependent
something dependable. like i could only be a reed, or a pillar for their support.
they would take my voice and make it their own.
until they themselves would forget that it was my gold nuggets,
carefully guarded, in the first place
they would make me feel invisible for my lack of splendour - my lack of showmanship.
if something is not seen to exist, does it exist?

but i will carefully distill my opinions - my voice
where others echo, loudly, borrowed thoughts and ideas, borrowed catchphrases, endeavours, egg shell words.

*

bled dry,
i , finally, identify the thieves of my life for what they are.
having almost let them get away with my life many times, for many years,
finally i catch them for what they are
i unmask them
and identify their true selves
as my own reflection in the mirror
i will no longer let them steal from me,
my time, my thoughts, space in my life.
my spirit and sanity no longer dependent on these elements in my surroundings

like a solid tree,
drawing from a life source deep within itself
sufficient into itself
sufficient unto others

existing
even if nothing else recognises it
in-dependent
true

free.

*

i cannot believe that just a while ago i would have given this existence away
but for the realisation of this self sustaining life force that feeds and rejuvenates into its own

i cannot believe i would've just given life away
safe for this one step across the threshold
this one defining layer around my girth

and if i had given up before,
i would never have gotten here, into this harness of birth - of true life.