practicing non-attachment

"me and you, mountain, that's how its gonna be."
It was somewhere up twelve thousand feet on the rocky part of the great Mount Kinabalu and I could not feel my feet. I kept my focus on holding the torch steady and staring at my feet. I focused on the halo of light surrounding them as they kept moving... forward, forward. At times I just closed my eyes...I was so tired. I could have fallen asleep right there. For moments I think i did. i forgot about getting to the peak... i forgot about looking ahead - just kept my gaze on my feet... onward, onward. slowly. i knew at times i moved only an inch or two but yet thats all i knew i had to do...just keep moving. forget about everything else. forget about all the others. forget about getting to the peak. its you and me, mountain.. you are my friend. all we have is now. all we need to get by is this moment.

perhaps its like a prayer, i thought then. because in my giving up, my letting go and my ploughing on, i felt a resonation with the experience of fasting in the month of Ramadhan. just like abstaining from my base instincts of hunger, letting go of it, disentangling myself from the urge to fill it, surrendering my emptiness to the One above and just be.... i felt the same now, letting go of my aches and my tiredness, my body's desire to crumble... and just be. just be, and just know God is. it is at the point when we give up control over giving ourselves contentment  that we enter a place of letting go... we find contentment inspite of ourselves.

so i thought, as i made one more step up. maybe i'll treat this the same... this will my worship. if i could find peace detaching from food, let me find peace fighting my fatigue and keep walking. just let go, surrender, and just be.

found on a serviette

"we count all the different colours
and countless shades in between
toasting them one by one
and find
the night too short

we'll have to continue tomorrow
and each day
and every day after."